do I speak truth with a pointed spear

"Committed couples regularly say negative things to each other that they wouldn't say to anyone else. Without apparent forethought, they casually communicate critical comments they would never have uttered when their love was new...After their initial courting phase, every couple is susceptible to making these unfortunate spontaneous, tactless outbursts. They truly believe that their comments are just truthful representations of honesty, rarely consciously intended to cause the level of hurt they actually do. Unfortunately, these critical comments are not benign. They cause cumulative damage that will eventually effect the couple's ability to regain their once-intimate connection.Interestingly enough, these same people rarely forget to be diplomatic with others. In most situations outside of their committed relationship, they would think before they speak, and would not take the chance of casually offending someone.Most long-time intimate partners lose that awareness. They have become so familiar with each other that they expect automatic forgiveness when they say something in a hurtful way. They forget that a more caring delivery is more likely to get them what they want."Randi Gunther, Ph.D.