Have You Talked About Money? - Money vs Marriage

Have You Communicated Your Expectations? - Ongoing Expectations in Marriage

Are You Willing to Grow Up? - Marriage is for Grownups

12 Questions to Ask Before You Marry - Why Do We need to Ask These Quest...

12 Questions to Ask Before You Marry

Most Important Questions to Ask Before Getting Married

Questions To Ask Before You Get Married

Pre-marital Counseling: Preparing for the Marriage Journey

Are You Ready for Marriage?

Are you ready for marriage?? Really?? @GospeljamHD

Are You Ready for Marriage? - 1950 Social Guidance / Educational Documen...

Notes I made for the sermon GROWING IN THE DARK by TD Jakes

Samson was the 12th judge of the Israelite...12 is the number of authority or government e.g Jesus chose 12 disciples, 12 tribes of Israel

circumcision, speaking in tongues, and the growing of the hair by Nazarites was not the covenant, it was an outer sign of an inner covenant- i.e an outer sign of the inner condition of the heart

When God sets up a covenant He always gives an outer signs

God did not forbid marriage from other people for racial purity but for spiritual purity.

Paul picks it up and says be not unequally yoked believers with unbelievers- not that you are better, you have the same problems they do but you go to different places for help.

Samson married what he hated and hated what he married.. People who call others hypocrites are hypocritical in one area e..g you teach Debt consolidation and your credit cards are maxed up, teaching parenting and your own children went to jail...

When the philistines took his woman he went crazy... men go crazy when you take their women- even a cheating man will go crazy when you take his woman!

He went to the field and set the tail of foxes on fire and burnt up their crops- he didn't just burn down their food, he burned their money because it was a barter society they needed the food to get money.

They revenged by killing his wife and her father. Samson revenged by killing 10000 men..

You can never be tempted by that which you are full of, you are tempted by that which you never had enough of...

Delilah came into his life as a temptress because he was tired, the temptress always attacks when you are tired..

Be careful where you lay your head

The very first thing the enemy did was to remove his eyes, why? because without a vision the people perish. The worst man to get involved with is one without a vision.. how can I help you when you can't see where we are to go? Find a man with a vision!

As long as I have a VISION, PROVISION will follow! GET READY.

You MUST  have the vision BEFORE the provision arrives 

Everything God ever used, went through a dark place. Abraham, Moses- 40 years in desert, Jacob- wrestling with angel.. It doesn't mean God has left you..

The dark place is a pre- requisite of greatness.

The dark place:  Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for you are with me..

They shaved Samson's hair but they left the follicles/hair roots...growing in the dark!

Praise God because: The enemy that you see now, you shall not see again, and your latter days shall be greater than you former days

What is growing? My tenacity, my praise, getting testimony, regaining victory, the same one that went into the dark place is not the same one coming out,

God gave him a little boy- he didn't have the stregnth but he had the eyes; Samson didn't have the eyes but has the stregnth

GOD WILL BRING YOU OUT BY PARTNERING WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS WHAT YOU DON'T HAVE

If any 2 of you agree as touching anything on earth, it shall be done!

You can't grow on the inside and not show on the outside!

A woman should ask a man: "Where do you see yourself in 5, 10, 20 years."

SOURCE

 

A woman should ask a man: "Where do you see yourself in 5, 10, 20 years." Listen to how he paints his life picture. Is it only in terms of financial accomplishments? Does it include marriage and family? How about involvement with his community? What about his development as a human being?

Reflect on whether his dream is your dream. Remember: marriage is all about striving together toward shared life goals.

Practically speaking, if you want to get married, look for someone who is pursing and living a life dream that is in sync with your own. Don't marry into someone else's way of life. You might wake up a few years down the road and find yourself in a marriage that is heading in the wrong direction.

In short, know where you want to go and then find someone who is headed in the same direction. How can you do this? It's easy. First, make a "date" with yourself. Discover what makes you tick, what you value, what you want to accomplish with your life.

9 Risk Factors for Marital Problems

SOURCE

Many of these risk factors relate to stable, individual characteristics of each partner.  You could think of these factors this way: all other thing being equal, the more these factors are present in the lives and backgrounds of the marriage partners, the greater the risk to the well-being of that marriage over time. Here is a list of such factors.  The list is not exhaustive, but it covers the biggies.

1. Have a personality tendency to react strongly or defensively to problems and disappointments in life
   
2. Having divorced parents
   
3. Living together prior to marriage
   
4. Being previously divorced, yourself or your partner
   
5. Having children from a previous marriage
   
6. Having different religious backgrounds
   
7. Marrying at a very young age
   
8. Knowing each other for only a short time before marriage
   
9. Experiencing financial hardship
   

There is something very important about this list that we'd like you to notice: once a couple is married, they can do nothing to directly lower any of these risks.  In our academic publications, we call these factors static because they are relatively unchangeable.  Reflecting on these factors can be useful in understanding how much risk the two of you may have, but there is little you can do to change any of these and certainly not quickly.
In contrast to the static factors shown in the preceding list, there are risk factors that relate more directly to how you treat one another, how you communicate, and how you think about your relationship.  We call these dynamic risk factors because, although they do increase the risk that a couple won't do well, they can all be changed with some thought and choice and effort.

• Negative styles of talking and fighting with each other, such as arguments that rapidly become negative, put-downs, and the silent treatment
  
• Difficulty communicating well, especially when you disagree
  
• Trouble handling disagreements as a team
  
• Unrealistic beliefs about marriage
  
• Different attitudes about important things
  
• A low level of commitment to one another, reflected in such behavior as failing to protect your relationship from others you are attracted to or failing to view your marriage as a long-term investment
  
• Not practicing faith together
  

IS HE THE ONE?

If you are born again, ask yourself:

• IS HE also BORN AGAIN?

Second Corinthians 6:14 says, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"
In other words, making the choice to walk side by side with someone who doesn't know Jesus just won't work.

• DOES HE MAKE WISE CHOICES?

Realistic marriage expectations

EXCERPTS FROM HERE
 
Prov. 13:12: “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”

• “Hope deferred” is a form of unmet expectations—a longing for something that has
  not yet come about.
• full truth is found in John. 16:33: "in this world you will have trouble." All couples experience tough times.
• Christian trend researcher George Barna has reported that the divorce rate among Christians is now the same as for non-Christians

Realistic Expectations
 Here are a few that all couples should just assume are reasonable to expect:
 

1. Fidelity/Faithfulness—Committing to both physical and emotional faithfulness is not an option inmarriage. It is the very foundation of trust.

1. Satisfactory Conflict Resolution—Without a strong, mutual commitment to satisfactory conflictresolution, a married couple is walking a very dangerous tightrope. Realizing that all couples have conflict,we must equip ourselves with both the tools and the Christ-like heart condition that make this possible.It takes concerted effort and shared responsibility.

1. Romance—After all, why did you get together in the first place? Wasn’t the sense of romantic,soul-mate connection at the heart of it? You must work to protect this wonderful gift from God—both emotionally and physically.

1. Respect—The loss of mutual respect is one of the true indicators that a couple is in deep trouble.Ask yourself what speaks respect to your own heart; then, give the same thing to your partner. Lovetravels right alongside respect, especially for women. As author Emerson Eggerichs has so clearlystated in his book, Love and Respect, men respond very favorably to respect from a spouse

 

1. Friendship—Someone has written that a true friend is someone who lights up when you enter the
   room and has no immediate plans for your improvement. That pretty well sums it up.

100 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married BBethany Grow of LoveTheGrows.Y

source

 

100 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married

Bethany Grow of LoveTheGrows.com adapted from

Don’t You Get Married Until You Read This! The Book of Questions for Couples

by Corey Donaldson

Sex/Romance/Love
If we eliminated physical attraction from our relationship, what would be left?
What is the best way for me to show that I love you?
If I put on weight, will it affect our sexual relationship? How?
Is it important for you to know that I'm a virgin? Why or why not?
What do I do that causes you to question my love?
What turns you off sexually?
How would our relationship be affected if for medical reasons we could not have children?
Do you think being in love means: (1) Never having to say you're sorry, (2) Always having to say you're sorry, (3) Knowing when to say you're sorry, or (4) Being the first to say I'm sorry?

The Past
Which childhood experiences influence your behavior and attitude the most?
Could any feelings of affection and romance be revived if you met a previous boyfriend/girlfriend even though you feel strongly committed to me?
Is there anything in your past I should be aware of?
What did you dislike the most about your previous partners?
If your past boyfriends/girlfriends listed your most negative characteristics, what would they be?
Do you keep letters and memorabilia from past relationships? Why or why not?
Are you comfortable continuing this relationship if there are things in my past that I am not willing to share with you?
Have you ever been involved in any criminal activities? What were they?
Did your mother or father abuse each other or you in any way- sexually, emotionally, or physically?
Have you ever been able to overcome a bad habit? What was it?
Have you ever been violent in past relationships?

Trust
Have there been times when you were uncomfortable with the way I behaved with the opposite sex? If so, when and what did I do?
What do I do now or what could I do in the future that would make you mistrust me?
Would you be comfortable transferring all your money into my bank account?
Who comes first, your spouse or your children?
Is trust automatic until something occurs that takes it away, or does it evolve over time?
Do you trust me with money?
Is it permissible for us to open each other's mail?

The Future
How are we different? Could this be a source of future conflict? Do our differences complement each other?
Do you anticipate maintaining your single lifestyle after we are married? That is, will you spend just as much time with your friends, family and work colleagues? Why or why not?
How did your family resolve conflicts when you were growing up? Do you approve or disapprove of that method? what will you change or not change to resolve conflicts in your future family?
Is there anything about marriage that frightens you?
Would you prefer to live in the city, the country, or by the beach? Why?
If I wanted to move away from our families for work, would you support me?
How would it affect you if I travel on my own frequently to (1) visit family, (2) earn income, (3) pursue a hobby, or (4) deal with stress?
Suppose we are experiencing trouble in our marriage. In what order will you seek help from the following to resolve our conflicts: (1) divorce lawyer, (2) your parents, (3) a brother or sister (4) a marriage counselor, (5) me, (6) a church leader? Why?
How will you support my hobbies?
How do you feel about having our parents come to live with us if the need arises?
Is there anything you would regret not being able to do or accomplish if you married me?
How will we schedule holidays with our families?

Children
If we are unable to have children, should we adopt?
Do you anticipate raising our children (1) the same way you were raised (2) completely differently from the way you were raised (3) a mixture of both?
How long would you like to wait before having children?
Other than formal schooling, what types of education will our children get and how will they receive them?
When we have children, who will change the diapers, heat the bottles, prepare the meals, do the housework, bathe the child, get up in the middle of the night when a child is crying, take the child to the doctor, buy clothing, and dress the child?
What types of discipline would you implement to correct a child's or a teenager's behavior? Were these practices you experiences or are they new ones you have developed on your own?


Annoyances
If I had bad breath or body odor or wear dirty clothes, will you tell me? Should I tell you? Why or why not? How should we do it?
What is nagging? Do I nag? How does it make you feel?
DO you approve without reservation of the way I dress?
What does my family do that annoys you?
Would it bother you if I made body noises all the time, like passing gas or burping?
Is there anything you do in your line of work that I would disapprove of or that would hurt me?
Do you believe that you should stick with a marriage if you are unhappy all the time?
When do you need space away from me?

Communication
Whenever we have difficult feelings about each other, should we (1) remain silent, (2) say something as soon as the difficult feelings arise, (3) wait a certain amount of time before raising the issue, or (4) do something else? If so, what?
If you always say you are going to do something but never do it, what is the most effective way to bring this problem to your attention?
What did you admire about the way your mother and father treated each other?
What is the best way for me to communicate difficult feelings about you so that you are not offended?
Who should know bout the arguments we have?
What makes you not want to talk to me?
Do you feel you could communicate with me under any circumstance and about any subject?

Finance
What justifies going into debt?
What are all your current personal debts?
Do you feel stress when facing financial problems? How do you deal with that stress?
How often do you use credit cards, and what do you buy with them?
How should we prepare for a financial emergency?
Do you feel that lack of money is a good reason not to have children?
When our child is born, will he or she go to daycare or will one of us stay home to take care of the child? Who will it be?
Will we have a budget?
Who will pay the bills?
How do you feel about helping me pay my debts?
What are your feelings about saving money?
Do you prefer separate bank accounts or assets in different names? Why?

Miscellaneous
How would you rank all the priorities in your life: work, school, family, spouse, friends, hobbies, and chuch? Does your ranking reflect the amount of time you spend on each?
Are you closer to your mother or father? Why?
Do you prefer a set daily work schedule or flexible work activities and timetables?
What do you fear?
What influence, if any, do you believe my family should have on our relationship?
Do you believe that our parents should know our financial condition, whether good or bad, just because they want to? How far should this go?
What are your views on pornography?
How would you react if our son or daughter told us they were gay?
Do you harbor any racial prejudice?
How do you feel about having guns in our home?
Is there anyone close to you who feels we should not get married? Why? Should we this?
What health problems do you have?
Have you ever had any psychological problems?
When you are in a bad mood, how should I deal with it?
Do you like pets?

close to 300 questions to ask before you get married

source

 WORK

1. Are you working on your chosen field?

2. How many hours a week do you work?

3. What does your job entail? (For example, do you often travel for business, work at home, performs dangerous tasks?)

4. What is your dream job?

5. Have you ever been called a workaholic?

6. What is your retirement plan? What do you plan to do when you stop working?

7. Have you ever been fired?

8. Have you ever quit a job suddenly? Have you changed jobs a lot?

9. Do you consider your work a career or just a job?

10. Has your work ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

HOME

11. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

12. Do you prefer urban, suburban, or rural settings?

13. Is it important to have your own private home, or do you prefer apartment or condo living, with a management company responsible for the maintenance? Are you a do-it yourselfer, or would you rather hire professionals? Do you prefer to clean your own home or hire a housekeeper?

14. Do you think of your home as a cocoon, or is your door always open? What do you need to feel energized and inspired in your home?

15. Is quiet important in your home, or do you prefer having music or some background noise most of the time? Is it important to have a TV in the bedroom? Living room? Kitchen? Do you like to sleep with the TV or radio on?

16. How important is it for you to have a space in your home that is yours alone?

17. Have differences about home style ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

18. If you had unlimited resources, how would you live?

19. How important is it for you to make a lot of money?

20. What is your annual income?

21. Do you pay alimony or child support?

22 Do you believe in prenuptial agreements? Under what circumstances?

23. Do you believe in establishing a family budget?

24. Should individuals within a marriage have separate bank accounts in addition to joint accounts? Do you feel that bills should be divided based on a percentage of each person's salary?

25. Who should handle the finances in your family?

26. Do you have significant debts?

27. Do you gamble?

28. Did you have a paying job when you were in high school? Before high school?

29. Have you ever been called cheap or stingy?

30. Do you believe that a certain amount of money should be set aside for pleasure, even if you�re on a tight budget?

31. Have you ever used money as a way of controlling a relationship? Has anyone ever tried to control you with money?

32. Has money ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

RELATIONSHIP HISTORY

33. Have you ever felt deeply insecure in a relationship? Were you able to name your fear?

34. When was the first time you felt that you were in love with another person? What happened in that relationship, and how have you come to terms with it?

35. What is the longest relationship you have ever had prior to this one? Why did it end, and what lesson did you learn?

36. Have you ever been married? If so, are you divorced or widowed? How do you think you handled the loss?

37. If you have a current partner, do they know of behaviors that you exhibited in your previous relationship that you�re not proud of?

36. Do you believe that past relationships should be left in the past and not talked about in your current relationship?

39. Do you tend to judge current partners on past relationships?

40. Have you ever sought marriage counseling? What did the experience teach you?

41. Do you have children from previous marriages or non-marital relationships? What is your relationship with them? How do you see your relationship with them in the future?

42. Have you ever been engaged to be married but didn�t go through with the wedding?

43. Have you ever had a live-in partner? Why did you choose to live together instead of marrying? What did your experience teach you about the importance of marriage and about commitment?

44. Do you harbor fears that the person you love might reject you or fail out of love with you?

SEX

45. What sexual activities do you enjoy the most? Are there specific sexual acts that make you uncomfortable? Be specific! This is no time to hedge.

46. Do you feel comfortable initiating sex? If yes, why? If no, why?

47. What do you need in order to be in the mood for sex?

48. Have you ever been sexually abused or assaulted?

48. What was the attitude toward sex in your family? Was it talked about? Who taught you about sex?

50. Do you use sex to self-medicate? If something upsets you, do you use sex to try and help you feel better?

51. Have you ever felt forced to have sex to �keep the peace�? Have you ever forced someone or been told that you forced someone to have sex with you to �keep the peace�?

52. Is sexual fidelity an absolute necessity in a good marriage?

53. Do you enjoy viewing pornography?

54. How often do you need or expect sex?

55. Have you ever a sexual relationship with a person of the same sex?

56. Has sexual dissatisfaction ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

HEALTH

57. How would you describe the current state of your health?

58. Have you ever had a serious illness? Have you ever had surgery?

58. Do you believe it is a sacred responsibility to take care of yourself? Do you believe that taking care of your physical and mental health is a part of honoring your marriage vows?

60. Are there genetic diseases in your family or a history of cancer, heart disease, or chronic illness?

61. Do you have health insurance? Dental insurance?

62. Do you belong to a gym? If so, how much time do you spend at the gym every week?

63. Do you play sports or take exercise classes?

64. Have you ever been in a physically or emotionally abusive relationship?

65. Have you ever suffered from an eating disorder?

66. Have you ever been in a serious accident?

67. Do you take medication?

68. Have you ever had a sexually transmitted disease?

P.. Have you ever been treated for a mental disorder?

70. Do you see a therapist?

71. Do you smoke, or have you ever smoked?

72. Do you consider yourself an addictive personality, and have you ever suffered from an addiction? Have you ever been told you have an addiction problem, even though you might disagree?

73. How much alcohol do you drink every week?

74. Do you use recreational drugs?

75. Do you have a medical problem that impacts your ability to have a satisfying sex life (for example, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, vaginal dryness, drug/alcohol addiction, etc)?

76. Have any of these health problems ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

APPEARANCE

77. How important is it that you always look your best?

78. How important is your spouse�s appearance? Do you have strong preferences about being with a particular physical �type�?

70. Are there cosmetic procedures that you regularly undergo?

80. Is weight control important to you? Is your spouse�s weight important to you? What would your reaction be if your partner were to gain a significant amount of weight?

81. How much money do you spend on clothing every year?

82. Do you worry about getting old? Do you worry about losing your looks?

83. What do you like and dislike about your appearance? When you were a child, were you often complimented or shamed about your looks?

84. What would your reaction be if your spouse lost a limb? A breast? How would you handle this loss?

85. Do you feel that you can have good chemistry with someone who is moderately physically attractive to you, or is a strong physical attraction necessary? Has physical appearance or �chemistry� ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

PARENTHOOD

86. Do you want children? When? How many? Are you unable to have children?

87. Would you feel unfulfilled if you were unable to have children?

88. Who is responsible for birth control? What would you do if there were an accidental pregnancy before you planned to have children?

88. What is your view of fertility treatments? Adoption? Would you adopt if you were unable to have a child naturally?

90. What is your view of abortion? Should a husband have an equal say in whether his wife has an abortion? Have you ever had an abortion?

91. Have you ever given birth to a child or fathered a child who was put up for adoption?

92. How important is it to you that your children are raised near your extended family?

93. Do you believe that a good mother will want to breast-feed her baby? Do you believe a mother or father should stay at home with a child during the first six months of life? The first year? Longer?

94. Do you believe in spanking a child? What type of discipline do you believe in (time-out, standing in the corner, taking away privileges, etc.)?

95. Do you believe that children have rights? Do you feel that a child�s opinion should be considered when making family and life decisions, such as moving or changing schools?

96. Do you believe that children should be raised with some religious or spiritual foundation?

97. Should boys be treated the same as girls? Should they have the same rules for conduct? Should you have the same expectations for their sexual behavior?

96. Would you put your teenage daughter on birth control if you knew that she was sexually active?

97. How would you handle it if you didn�t like your child�s friends?

98. Would you put your teenage daughter on birth control if you knew that she was sexually active?

99. How would you handle it if you didn't like your child's friends?

100. In a blended family; should birth parents be in charge of making decisions for their own children?

101. Would you ever consider getting a vasectomy or having your tubes tied? Do you believe it�s your choice, or does your partner have a say?

102. Have differences concerning conception or child-raising ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

EXTENDED FAMILIES

103. Are you close to your family?

104. Are you or have you ever been alienated from your family?

105. Do you have a difficult time setting limits with family?

106. Have you identified the childhood wound that may have sabotaged your relationships in the past�the deeply imprinted fear that made you want to escape? How were you most hurt in your family; and who hurt you?

107. How important is it that you and your partner be on good terms with each other�s families?

106. How did your parents settle conflicts when you were a child? Do people in your family carry long-term grudges?

109. How much influence do your parents still have over your decisions?

110. Have unresolved or ongoing family issues ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

FRIENDS

FRIENDS

111. Do you have a �best friend�?

112. Do you see a close friend or friends at least once a week? Do you speak to any of your friends on the phone every day?

113. Are your friendships as Important to you as your life partner is?

114. If your friends need you, are you there for them?

115. Is it important to you for your partner to accept and like your friends?

116. Is it important that you and your partner have friends in common?

117. Do you have a difficult time setting limits with friends?

118. Has a partner ever been responsible for breaking up a friendship? Have friends ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

PETS

119. Are you an animal lover?

120. Do you have a dog, cat, or other beloved pet?

121. Is your attitude �Love me, love my dog [cat; potbellied pig]?�

122. Have you ever been physically aggressive with an animal? Have you deliberately hurt an animal?

123. Do you believe a person should give up his or her pet if it interferes with the relationship?

124. Do you consider pets members of your family?

125. Have you ever been jealous of a partner�s relationship with a pet?

126. Have disagreements about pets ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

POLITICS

127. Do you consider yourself liberal, moderate, or conservatives, or do you reject political labels? What was the attitude in your family about political involvement and social action?

128. Do you belong to a political party? Are you actively involved?

128. Did you vote in the last presidential election? Congressional election? Local election?

130. Do you believe that two people of differing political ideologies can have a successful marriage?

131. Do you believe that the political system is skewed against people of color, poor people, and the disenfranchised?

132. Which political issues do you care about? (For example, equality national security, privacy, the environment, the budget; women�s rights, gay rights, human rights, etc.).

133. Has politics ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

COMMUNITY

134. Is it important for you to be involved in your local community?

135. Do you like having a close relationship with your neighbors? For example, would you give a neighbor a spare key to your home?

136. Do you regularly participate in community projects?

137. Do you believe that good fences make good neighbors?

138. Have you ever had a serious dispute with a neighbor?

139. Do you take pains to be considerate of your neighbors (for example, keeping a lid on loud music, barking dogs, etc.)?

CHARITY

140. How important is it to you to contribute time or money to charity?

141. Which kind of charities do you like to support? How much of your annual income do you donate to charity?

142. Do you feel that it is the responsibility of the �haves� of the world to help the �have-nots�?

143. Have attitudes about charitable contributions ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

MILITARY

144. Have you served in the military?

145. Have your parents or other relatives served in the military?

146. Would you want your children to serve in the military?

147. Do you personally identify more with a nonviolent approach, or with making change through military force and action?

148. Has military service or attitudes about military service ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

THE LAW

149. Do you consider yourself a law-abiding person?

150. Have you ever committed a crime? If yes, what was it?

151. Have you ever been arrested? If yes, for what?

152. Have you ever been in jail? If yes, why?

153. Have you ever been involved in a legal action or lawsuit? If yes, what were the circumstances?

154. Have you ever been the victim of a violent crime? If yes, describe what happened.

156. Do you believe it�s important to be rigorously honest when you pay taxes?

156. Have you ever failed to pay child support? If so, why?

157. Have legal or criminal issues ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

MEDIA

158. Where do you get your news (for example, TV news programs, radio, newspapers, newsmagazines, the Internet, friends)?

159. Do you believe what you read and see in the news, or do you question where information is coming from and what the true agenda is?

100. Do you seek out media with diverse perspectives on the news?

161. Have media differences ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

RELIGION

162. Do you believe in God? What does that mean to you?

163. Do you have a current religious affiliation? Is it a big part of your life?

164. When you were growing up, did your family belong to a church, synagogue, temple, or mosque?

185. Do you currently practice a different religion from the one in which you were raised?

166. Do you believe in life after death?

167. Does your religion impose any behavioral restrictions (dietary, social, familial, sexual) that would affect your partner?

168. Do you consider yourself a religious person? A spiritual person?

169. Do you engage in spiritual practices outside of organized religion?

170. How important is it to you for your partner to share your religious beliefs?

171. How important is it to you for your children to be raised in your religion?

172. Is spirituality a part of your daily life and practice?

173. Has religion or spiritual practice ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

CULTURE

174. Does popular culture have an important impact on your life?

175. Do you spend time reading about, watching, or discussing actors, musicians, models, or other celebrities?

176. Do you think most celebrities have a better, more exciting life than you do? (By the way, if they do, maybe it's because they are living their lives, while you are watching them live their lives. Are you wasting the opportunity and gift to live your own life?)

177. Do you regularly go to the movies, or do you prefer to rent movies and watch them at home?

178. What is your favorite style of music?

179. Do you attend concerts featuring your favorite musicians?

180. Do you enjoy going to museums or art shows?

181. Do you like to dance?

182. Do you like to watch TV for entertainment?

183. Have attitudes or behaviors around popular culture ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

LEISURE

184. What is your idea of a fun day?

185. Do you have a hobby that�s important to you?

186. Do you enjoy spectator sports?

187. Are certain seasons off-limits for other activities because of football, baseball, basketball, or other sports?

168. What activities do you enjoy that don�t involve your partner? How important is it to you that you and your partner enjoy the same leisure activities?

189. How much money do you regularly spend on leisure activities?

190. Do you enjoy activities that might make your partner uncomfortable, such as hanging out in bars drinking, going to strip clubs, or gambling?

191. Have leisure time issues ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

192. Do you enjoy entertaining, or do you worry that you�ll do something wrong or people won�t have a good time?

193. Is it important for you to attend social events regularly, or does the prospect rarely appeal to you?

194. Do you look forward to at least one night out every week, or do you prefer to enjoy yourself at home?

195. Does your work involve attending social functions? If so, are these occasions a burden or a pleasure? Do you expect your spouse to be present, or do you prefer that your spouse not be present?

196. Do you socialize primarily with people from work, or with people from the same ethnic/racial/religious/ socioeconomic background? Or do you socialize with a diverse mix of people?

197. Are you usually the �life of the party," or do you dislike being singled out for attention?

198. Have you or a partner ever had an argument caused by one or the other�s behavior at a social function?

199. Have differences about socializing ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

HOLIDAY AND BIRTHDAYS

286. Which (if any holidays do you believe are the most important to celebrate?

201. Do you maintain a family tradition around certain holidays?

202. How important are birthday celebrations to you? Anniversaries?

203. Have differences about holidays/birthdays ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

TRAVEL / VACATIONS

204. Do you enjoy traveling, or are you a homebody?

205. Are vacation getaways an important part of your yearly planning?

206. How much of your annual income do you designate for vacation and travel expenses?

207. Do you have favorite vacation destinations? Do you believe it's wasteful to spend money on vacations to distant places?

206. Do you think it's important to have a passport? To speak a foreign language?

209. Have disputes about travel and vacation ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

EDUCATION

210. What is your level of formal education? Is your education a source of pride or shame?

211. Do you regularly sign up for courses that interest you, or enroll in advanced-learning programs that will help you in your career or profession?

212. Do you think that college graduates are smarter than people who didn�t attend college? Have disparities in education ever been a source of tension for you in a relationship, or ended a relationship?

213. How do you feel about private school education for children? Do you have a limit on how much you would be willing to invest in private school education?

214. Have education levels or priorities ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

TRANSPORTATION

215. Do you own or lease a car? Would you ever consider not having a car?

216. Is the year, make, and model of the car you drive important to you? Is your car your �castle�?

217. Are fuel efficiency and environmental protection factors when you choose a car?

218. Given the availability of reliable public transportation, would you prefer not to drive a car at all?

219. How much time do you spend maintaining and caring for your vehicle? Are you reluctant to let others drive your car?

220. How long is your daily commute? Is it by bus, train, car, or carpool?

221. Do you consider yourself a good driver? Have you ever received a speeding ticket?

222. Have cars or driving ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

COMMUNICATION

223. How much time do you spend on the phone every day?

224. Do you have a cell phone? A BlackBerry?

225. Do you belong to any Internet chat groups? Do you spend significant time each day writing c-mails?

226. Do you have an unlisted telephone number? If yes, why?

227. Do you consider yourself a communicator or a private person?

228. What are the circumstances under which you would not answer the telephone, cell phone, or BlackBerry?

229. Has modem communication ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

MEALTIME

230. Do you like to eat most of your meals sitting at the table, or do you tend to eat on the run?

231. Do you love to cook? Do you love to eat? 232. When you were growing up, was it important that everybody be present for dinner?

233. Do you follow a specific diet regimen that limits your food choices? Do you expect others in your household to adhere to certain dietary restrictions?

234. In your family is food ever used as a bribe or a proof of love?

235. Has eating ever been a source of shame for you?

236. Have eating and food ever been a source of tension and stress in a relationship? Have they ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

GENDER ROLE

237. Are there household responsibilities you believe to be the sole domain of a man or a woman? Why do you believe this?

238. Do you believe that marriages are stronger if a woman defers to her husband in most areas? Do you need to feel either in control or taken care of?

239. How important is equality in a marriage? Define what you mean by �equality.�

340. Do you believe that roles in your family should be filled by the person best equipped for the job, even if it is an unconventional arrangement?

341. How did your family view the roles of girls and boys, men and women? In your family; could anyone do any job as long as it got done well?

242. Have different ideas about gender roles ever been a source of tension for you in a relationship, or the cause of a breakup?

RACE, ETHNICITY, AND DIFFERENCES

243. What did you learn about race and ethnic differences as a child?

244. Which of those beliefs from childhood do you still carry; and which have you shed?

245. Does your work environment look more like the United Nations, or like a mirror of yourself? How about your personal life?

246. How would you feel if your child dated someone of a different race or ethnicity? The same gender? How would you feel if he or she married this person?

247. Are you aware of your own biases regarding race and ethnicity? What are they? Where did they come from? (We aren�t born biased, we learn it, and it�s important to trace where it was learned.)

248. Have race, ethnicity, and differences ever been a source of tension and stress for you in a relationship?

249. What were your family�s views of race, ethnicity, and difference?

250. Is it important to you that your partner shares your vision of race, ethnicity, and difference?

251. Have different ideas about race, ethnicity~ and difference ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

LIVING EVERY DAY

252. Would you consider yourself a morning person or a night person?

213. Do you judge people who have a different waking and sleeping clock than you?

254 Are you a physically affectionate person?

255. What is your favorite season of the year?

256. When you disagree with your partner, do you tend to fight or withdraw?

257. What is your idea of a fair division of labor in your household?

258. Do you consider yourself an easygoing person, or are you most comfortable with a firm plan of action?

256. How much sleep do you need every night?

260. Do you like to be freshly showered and wearing clean clothes every day, even on weekends or vacations?

261. What is your idea of perfect relaxation?

262. What makes you really angry? What do you do when you�re really angry?

263. What makes you most joyful? What do you do when you are joyful?

264. What makes you most insecure? How do you handle your insecurities?

265. What makes you most secure?

266. Do you fight fair? How do you know?

267. How do you celebrate when something great happens? How do you mourn when something tragic happens?

268. What is your greatest limitation?

269. What is your greatest strength?

270. What most stands in the way of your creating a passionate and caring marriage?

271. What do you need to do today to move toward making your dream marriage a reality?

272. What makes you most afraid?

273. What drains you of your joy and passion?

274. What replenishes your mind, body, and spirit?

275. What makes your heart smile in tough times?

276. What makes you feel the most alive?

Goal-Setting Questionnaire

All question picked from here

Spiritual Questions
1. Am I spending consistent, quality time with the Lord? Is my spiritual relationship stagnant or
progressive?
2. Should we have family devotions? What should they look like?
3. Am I providing spiritual encouragement for my spouse?
4. Should we be more involved in personal evangelism?
5. Are we active in our church?
6. What are my primary spiritual gifts?
7. What are my spouse's primary spiritual gifts?
8. Are we effectively using these gifts for the Kingdom of God?
9. What can we do to improve our prayer life, individually and as a couple?
10. What should our ministry focus be?

Marriage questions
1. Is our marriage headed in the right direction? Are we growing closer and is the relationship
maturing?
2. Am I meeting my spouse's emotional, physical, and intellectual needs?
3. Is my spouse meeting my emotional, physical, and intellectual needs?
4. Do we clearly communicate with one another?
5. Should we go out more often, or make more time for romance?
6. Do I tell my spouse "I love you" often enough? What do I do or say to show my love?
7. What can we do to improve our sexual relationship?
8. What do we want our marriage to look like five years from now?
9. What do I see as the husband's primary responsibilities in the marriage relationship?
10. What do I see as the wife's primary responsibilities in the marriage relationship?

Family Questions
1. How many children would we like to have?
2. Do we consistently and properly love our children?
3. Do we consis tently and properly discipline them?
4. What are the most important character traits we want to see our children develop?
5. What rules do we want to establish for our children at home and in public?
6. Where should we go on vacation? How should we spend weekends and other leisure time?
7. Does our devotion to our children interfere with or hamper our marriage relationship?
8. If something were to happen to us, who would we want to serve as the guardian for our
children? Have we provided for our children through a Will?
9. Do we support one another in front of our children?
10. According to the following passages, what are the main responsibilities of parent and children?
Col. 3:20-21; Heb. 12:5-11; Prov. 3:11-12; Eph. 6:4.

Social Questions
1. Is there a proper balance between my time spent at home and away from home?
2. Should we entertain more?
3. Should we be making an effort to get to know more people?
4. Are there any specific people I would like to get to know better?
5. Are we involved in our community, schools, and/or social organizations?
6. Are we over-committed to social, athletic, or other activities?
7. Do our children demonstrate wisdom when choosing their friends?
8. Do we demonstrate wisdom when choosing friends and social activities?
9. Are there people in the church and neighborhood that we should help, befriend, and care for?
10. Is our home an inviting place for our friends and our children's friends to gather?
Physical Questions
1. How can I improve my eating habits?
2. How can we improve our family's eating habits?
3. Are we getting enough exercise?
4. Is my spouse getting enough exercise?
5. Are our children involved in athletic or physical activities?
6. Are there any skills or sports I want to learn (i.e., to play the piano, speak French, or play
tennis)?
7. Do I need to lose/gain weight?
8. Is there anything I should do to make myself more attractive to my spouse?
9. Are there any athletic goals I want to pursue (i.e., being able to run a mile--or a marathon)?
10. What can I do to encourage or enable my spouse to meet his/her physical goals?

 Financial Questions
1. Do I feel comfortable with the amount of money we make?
2. Is there anything we can do to improve our financial situation?
3. Do we have an adequate amount of life insurance? What about home, health, and auto
coverage? Do I know how to locate and use the policy information?
4. Do we need to reduce our taxes? Are we under- or over-withholding?
5. Are we giving away the right amount or percentage of our income? Are our gifts being used
for the right purposes or organizations? When is the best time for us to give--weekly,
monthly, or on some other schedule?
6. How much debt do we have? Is this an acceptable amount? Since we try to get out of debt, or
avoid it altogether?
7. How much are we saving? How much should we be saving? What are we saving for? How
often should we set money aside, and where should we put it?
8. Why are we investing? How much should we invest? Am I comfortable with how our
investment portfolio is allocated? Should we be more (or less) aggressive in our investment
approach?
9. How much should we spend on things like our house, our vacations, our cars, etc.?
10. Do we want to send our children to private/Christian school? How much will that cost? How
much are we willing/able to spend on a college education for our children?

good questions for reflecting on our relationship

I love having a structured way to learn more about each other and learn strategies to prevent or deal with issues before they happen. So here are some good questions to talk through:

1. top three things that are important in a successful marriage?
2. Who are the three most significant people in your life?
3. how much money is ok to spend before you need to tell your spouse?
4. where do we  ourselves in 5-10 years?
5. family planning methods and child spacing*
6. household responsibilities
7. Would we get a joint account? 
8. Do you owe money that your partner doesn’t know about?  
9. budget worksheet
10. write a love letter to our partner that described in detail how much you love them
11. ways to talk to your spouse in times of frustration

NOTE: From a purely biological perspective, it is best to have your babies before you are 35 years

Read more: http://www.babycentre.co.uk/preconception/activelytrying/ageandfertility/#ixzz29RiYbRf2

From a purely biological perspective, it's best to try to start a family before you're 35.


Read more: http://www.babycentre.co.uk/preconception/activelytrying/ageandfertility/#ixzz29RiYbRf2

From a purely biological perspective, it's best to try to start a family before you're 35.


Read more: http://www.babycentre.co.uk/preconception/activelytrying/ageandfertility/#ixzz29RiYbRf2