Lessons from the bamboo tree on patience

"The rewards of patience and perseverance are illustrated by George Dennison (1935), president of the University of Montana (1910-2010) in this excerpt from a commencement address in 1993. Do you know the story of the Chinese bamboo? After the bamboo is planted, only a tiny shoot is visible. The gardener must tend and nurture the bamboo for four years, while the shoot remains the size of your thumb. For those first four years all the growth takes place underground, unseen, in the plant’s root system. But the gardener perseveres. Knowing the potential of the bamboo, the gardener faithfully waters and fertilizes the almost invisible plant. Finally, in that fifth year, the gardener’s efforts are rewarded as the bamboo grows 80 feet."

source - copy pasted from Sandy

"...So what happened?   Did the bamboo tree after four years of inactivity, suddenly shoot up 90 feet in the fifth year? The answer is as clear as a bald head. The tree grew 90 feet in 5 years.  All those years, the tree’s development was taking place in the invisible realm, toiling and budding underground in a massive, fibrous root structure that would eventually become strong enough to support its exponential growth rate. If you had given up earlier, your whole labour would have come to nought. In life, there will be challenging times. You can work on your dreams for weeks, months and even years with no visible signs of progress and then, all of the sudden, things take off. People, who patiently toil towards their dreams and goals, building strong character while overcoming adversity and challenge, grow the strong internal structure to handle success when it eventually comes. Maintain your faith even when you can’t see your rewards in front of you.  Say to yourself, it just hasn’t happened yet!  The most important work is the work that no one can see. ..So keep watering your Chinese Bamboo Tree. Any time, you’re tempted to give up, remind yourself that your day is just around the corner."

Source

Next passage copy pasted from Matt Moris here

The Story of The Chinese Bamboo Tree

Like any plant, growth of the Chinese Bamboo Tree requires nurturing – water, fertile soil, sunshine. In its first year, we see no visible signs of activity. In the second year, again, no growth above the soil. The third, the fourth, still nothing. Our patience is tested and we begin to wonder if our efforts (caring, water, etc.) will ever be rewarded.
And finally in the fifth year – behold, a miracle! We experience growth. And what growth it is! The Chinese Bamboo Tree grows 80 feet in just six weeks!
But let’s be serious, does the Chinese Bamboo Tree really grow 80 feet in six weeks? Did the Chinese Bamboo Tree lie dormant for four years only to grow exponentially in the fifth? Or, was the little tree growing underground, developing a root system strong enough to support its potential for outward growth in the fifth year and beyond? The answer is, of course, obvious. Had the tree not developed a strong unseen foundation it could not have sustained its life as it grew. The same principle is true for people. People, who patiently toil towards worthwhile dreams and goals, building strong character while overcoming adversity and challenge, grow the strong internal foundation to handle success, while get-rich- quickers and lottery winners usually are unable to sustain unearned sudden wealth.
Had the Chinese Bamboo Tree farmer dug up his little seed every year to see if it was growing, he would have stunted the Chinese Bamboo tree’s growth as surely as a caterpillar is doomed to a life on the ground if it is freed from its struggle inside a cocoon prematurely. The struggle in the cocoon is what gives the future butterfly the wing power to fly, just as tension against muscles as we exercise strengthen our muscles, while muscles left alone will soon atrophy.

Our wedding phrases/theme: part of how we see ourselves

In 6 phrases:

• Growing in GODLINESS, 
• TIMELESS, 
• GLOBAL, 
• CONTRASTING, 
• READING, 
• growing in PATIENCE
• SERVANT-LEADERS

1.  Growing in godliness- Gospel oriented, not perfect but progressing, God as the centre of our focus: In Christ all things hold together

1. Timeless- vintage inspiration

1. Global- travel inspiration

1. Contrasting- ecclectic and complimentary

1. Reading-books

1. Servant-Leaders: Pioneer, setting standards

Patience- bamboo inspiration

Life verses for marriage

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” – 1 Peter 4:8

“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” – Ecclesiastes 4:12

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” – Ephesians 4:2-3

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” – Mark 10:9

Where is my heart?

source

Discovering your life purpose

There is a powerful passage in the Scripture where Jesus declares, “…for this purpose I came…” (John 12:27). He knew His purpose. He followed His purpose. He did His purpose. He was successful. source

1. 
   

QUESTIONS:Ask yourself (and write down)

1.  What were the five or ten most pleasurable moments in my life?-what excites and energizes me.Although your mission may require hard work or genuine sacrifice, when you are engaged in your life’s mission you experience, as Rabbi Nivin puts it, “This feels so good that I could do it all day long.” source
2. If I inherited a billion dollars and had six hours a day of discretionary time, what would I do with the time and money
3.  What’s been your most painful challenge in life?: ..In our deepest pain, lies our highest purpose.” I’m not sure our life purpose has to come from pain, but it’s a good place to start looking. source
4. “If you had a magic wand, what one thing would you change on this planet?
5. What did you love to play as a kid?

EXAMPLES OF OTHER PEOPLE'S MISSION

1. To inspire people, through writing and speaking, to move forward in their spiritual/personal development and relationship with God.
2. “to establish a Jewish outreach center for the elderly.
3. Sometimes your mission is deposited in your lap, such as the birth of a special needs child. The National Tay-Sachs Association, for example, was founded by the parents of children suffering from Tay-Sachs; the parents’ daunting challenge metamorphosed into their life’s mission.
4. Dr. Martin Luther King had a purpose. His purpose was to unite whites and blacks and to elevate his race. His vision was that he saw whites and blacks living together in a happy and peaceful world. His mission was to accomplish his goals by passive resistance.
5. a hammer. It's designed to hit nails. 
6. to learn how to use humor and knidness to help people adjust to the inevitable changes that come with aging and ill health source
7. I want to be a spokesman for wildlife issues and help people connect their daily actions to saving the wildlife on this planet source
8. is to create an online voice for autism to educate parents, teachers and patients about the latest developments and coping strategies. I want to use my skills of planning, researching and heralding to help direct funding to the most promising research and share those developments with those who need to know. 
9. working to reduce teen sucides caused by bullying and a lack of self worth
10. to capture the special events of weddings, anniversaries and graduations and turn them into memories with photographs and videos that highlight those special moments and behind the scenes which make each event unique

INGRIDIENTS

Gifts & Talents: What I Am Great At ...

researching and sharing information about

Things I Love: What I Want To Work With ... 

photographs/photo collages

Activities I Love: What I Would Love To Get Paid To Do ...

collecting  recipes

creating art with photographs

Places I Love: Where I Would Love To Work ... 

People I Love: Who I Would Love To Work With and For ... 

Experiences I Love: What Makes My Workday Amazing 

Needs, Problems I Love: What I Would Love To Have An Impact On ...

 my values

ROOTED

ONENESS

EXPLORATION

GENEROSITY

 

 

 

 to be continued

My mission in life

source

Placed in this world for a purpose

source

End of 2012 reflection: love always

source

End of 2012 reflection: Have you taken time to ask yourself

source

fit enough to be raised

source

Progress not perfection

source

Save a bed

source

some places I want to travel

Greece

Jerusalem

Rome

 Spain

Why get married

The true purpose for marriage is given in Genesis 2:18: ‘Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”’ Marriage is for companionship.

close to 300 questions to ask before you get married

source

 WORK

1. Are you working on your chosen field?

2. How many hours a week do you work?

3. What does your job entail? (For example, do you often travel for business, work at home, performs dangerous tasks?)

4. What is your dream job?

5. Have you ever been called a workaholic?

6. What is your retirement plan? What do you plan to do when you stop working?

7. Have you ever been fired?

8. Have you ever quit a job suddenly? Have you changed jobs a lot?

9. Do you consider your work a career or just a job?

10. Has your work ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

HOME

11. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

12. Do you prefer urban, suburban, or rural settings?

13. Is it important to have your own private home, or do you prefer apartment or condo living, with a management company responsible for the maintenance? Are you a do-it yourselfer, or would you rather hire professionals? Do you prefer to clean your own home or hire a housekeeper?

14. Do you think of your home as a cocoon, or is your door always open? What do you need to feel energized and inspired in your home?

15. Is quiet important in your home, or do you prefer having music or some background noise most of the time? Is it important to have a TV in the bedroom? Living room? Kitchen? Do you like to sleep with the TV or radio on?

16. How important is it for you to have a space in your home that is yours alone?

17. Have differences about home style ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

18. If you had unlimited resources, how would you live?

19. How important is it for you to make a lot of money?

20. What is your annual income?

21. Do you pay alimony or child support?

22 Do you believe in prenuptial agreements? Under what circumstances?

23. Do you believe in establishing a family budget?

24. Should individuals within a marriage have separate bank accounts in addition to joint accounts? Do you feel that bills should be divided based on a percentage of each person's salary?

25. Who should handle the finances in your family?

26. Do you have significant debts?

27. Do you gamble?

28. Did you have a paying job when you were in high school? Before high school?

29. Have you ever been called cheap or stingy?

30. Do you believe that a certain amount of money should be set aside for pleasure, even if you�re on a tight budget?

31. Have you ever used money as a way of controlling a relationship? Has anyone ever tried to control you with money?

32. Has money ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

RELATIONSHIP HISTORY

33. Have you ever felt deeply insecure in a relationship? Were you able to name your fear?

34. When was the first time you felt that you were in love with another person? What happened in that relationship, and how have you come to terms with it?

35. What is the longest relationship you have ever had prior to this one? Why did it end, and what lesson did you learn?

36. Have you ever been married? If so, are you divorced or widowed? How do you think you handled the loss?

37. If you have a current partner, do they know of behaviors that you exhibited in your previous relationship that you�re not proud of?

36. Do you believe that past relationships should be left in the past and not talked about in your current relationship?

39. Do you tend to judge current partners on past relationships?

40. Have you ever sought marriage counseling? What did the experience teach you?

41. Do you have children from previous marriages or non-marital relationships? What is your relationship with them? How do you see your relationship with them in the future?

42. Have you ever been engaged to be married but didn�t go through with the wedding?

43. Have you ever had a live-in partner? Why did you choose to live together instead of marrying? What did your experience teach you about the importance of marriage and about commitment?

44. Do you harbor fears that the person you love might reject you or fail out of love with you?

SEX

45. What sexual activities do you enjoy the most? Are there specific sexual acts that make you uncomfortable? Be specific! This is no time to hedge.

46. Do you feel comfortable initiating sex? If yes, why? If no, why?

47. What do you need in order to be in the mood for sex?

48. Have you ever been sexually abused or assaulted?

48. What was the attitude toward sex in your family? Was it talked about? Who taught you about sex?

50. Do you use sex to self-medicate? If something upsets you, do you use sex to try and help you feel better?

51. Have you ever felt forced to have sex to �keep the peace�? Have you ever forced someone or been told that you forced someone to have sex with you to �keep the peace�?

52. Is sexual fidelity an absolute necessity in a good marriage?

53. Do you enjoy viewing pornography?

54. How often do you need or expect sex?

55. Have you ever a sexual relationship with a person of the same sex?

56. Has sexual dissatisfaction ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

HEALTH

57. How would you describe the current state of your health?

58. Have you ever had a serious illness? Have you ever had surgery?

58. Do you believe it is a sacred responsibility to take care of yourself? Do you believe that taking care of your physical and mental health is a part of honoring your marriage vows?

60. Are there genetic diseases in your family or a history of cancer, heart disease, or chronic illness?

61. Do you have health insurance? Dental insurance?

62. Do you belong to a gym? If so, how much time do you spend at the gym every week?

63. Do you play sports or take exercise classes?

64. Have you ever been in a physically or emotionally abusive relationship?

65. Have you ever suffered from an eating disorder?

66. Have you ever been in a serious accident?

67. Do you take medication?

68. Have you ever had a sexually transmitted disease?

P.. Have you ever been treated for a mental disorder?

70. Do you see a therapist?

71. Do you smoke, or have you ever smoked?

72. Do you consider yourself an addictive personality, and have you ever suffered from an addiction? Have you ever been told you have an addiction problem, even though you might disagree?

73. How much alcohol do you drink every week?

74. Do you use recreational drugs?

75. Do you have a medical problem that impacts your ability to have a satisfying sex life (for example, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, vaginal dryness, drug/alcohol addiction, etc)?

76. Have any of these health problems ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

APPEARANCE

77. How important is it that you always look your best?

78. How important is your spouse�s appearance? Do you have strong preferences about being with a particular physical �type�?

70. Are there cosmetic procedures that you regularly undergo?

80. Is weight control important to you? Is your spouse�s weight important to you? What would your reaction be if your partner were to gain a significant amount of weight?

81. How much money do you spend on clothing every year?

82. Do you worry about getting old? Do you worry about losing your looks?

83. What do you like and dislike about your appearance? When you were a child, were you often complimented or shamed about your looks?

84. What would your reaction be if your spouse lost a limb? A breast? How would you handle this loss?

85. Do you feel that you can have good chemistry with someone who is moderately physically attractive to you, or is a strong physical attraction necessary? Has physical appearance or �chemistry� ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

PARENTHOOD

86. Do you want children? When? How many? Are you unable to have children?

87. Would you feel unfulfilled if you were unable to have children?

88. Who is responsible for birth control? What would you do if there were an accidental pregnancy before you planned to have children?

88. What is your view of fertility treatments? Adoption? Would you adopt if you were unable to have a child naturally?

90. What is your view of abortion? Should a husband have an equal say in whether his wife has an abortion? Have you ever had an abortion?

91. Have you ever given birth to a child or fathered a child who was put up for adoption?

92. How important is it to you that your children are raised near your extended family?

93. Do you believe that a good mother will want to breast-feed her baby? Do you believe a mother or father should stay at home with a child during the first six months of life? The first year? Longer?

94. Do you believe in spanking a child? What type of discipline do you believe in (time-out, standing in the corner, taking away privileges, etc.)?

95. Do you believe that children have rights? Do you feel that a child�s opinion should be considered when making family and life decisions, such as moving or changing schools?

96. Do you believe that children should be raised with some religious or spiritual foundation?

97. Should boys be treated the same as girls? Should they have the same rules for conduct? Should you have the same expectations for their sexual behavior?

96. Would you put your teenage daughter on birth control if you knew that she was sexually active?

97. How would you handle it if you didn�t like your child�s friends?

98. Would you put your teenage daughter on birth control if you knew that she was sexually active?

99. How would you handle it if you didn't like your child's friends?

100. In a blended family; should birth parents be in charge of making decisions for their own children?

101. Would you ever consider getting a vasectomy or having your tubes tied? Do you believe it�s your choice, or does your partner have a say?

102. Have differences concerning conception or child-raising ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

EXTENDED FAMILIES

103. Are you close to your family?

104. Are you or have you ever been alienated from your family?

105. Do you have a difficult time setting limits with family?

106. Have you identified the childhood wound that may have sabotaged your relationships in the past�the deeply imprinted fear that made you want to escape? How were you most hurt in your family; and who hurt you?

107. How important is it that you and your partner be on good terms with each other�s families?

106. How did your parents settle conflicts when you were a child? Do people in your family carry long-term grudges?

109. How much influence do your parents still have over your decisions?

110. Have unresolved or ongoing family issues ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

FRIENDS

FRIENDS

111. Do you have a �best friend�?

112. Do you see a close friend or friends at least once a week? Do you speak to any of your friends on the phone every day?

113. Are your friendships as Important to you as your life partner is?

114. If your friends need you, are you there for them?

115. Is it important to you for your partner to accept and like your friends?

116. Is it important that you and your partner have friends in common?

117. Do you have a difficult time setting limits with friends?

118. Has a partner ever been responsible for breaking up a friendship? Have friends ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

PETS

119. Are you an animal lover?

120. Do you have a dog, cat, or other beloved pet?

121. Is your attitude �Love me, love my dog [cat; potbellied pig]?�

122. Have you ever been physically aggressive with an animal? Have you deliberately hurt an animal?

123. Do you believe a person should give up his or her pet if it interferes with the relationship?

124. Do you consider pets members of your family?

125. Have you ever been jealous of a partner�s relationship with a pet?

126. Have disagreements about pets ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

POLITICS

127. Do you consider yourself liberal, moderate, or conservatives, or do you reject political labels? What was the attitude in your family about political involvement and social action?

128. Do you belong to a political party? Are you actively involved?

128. Did you vote in the last presidential election? Congressional election? Local election?

130. Do you believe that two people of differing political ideologies can have a successful marriage?

131. Do you believe that the political system is skewed against people of color, poor people, and the disenfranchised?

132. Which political issues do you care about? (For example, equality national security, privacy, the environment, the budget; women�s rights, gay rights, human rights, etc.).

133. Has politics ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

COMMUNITY

134. Is it important for you to be involved in your local community?

135. Do you like having a close relationship with your neighbors? For example, would you give a neighbor a spare key to your home?

136. Do you regularly participate in community projects?

137. Do you believe that good fences make good neighbors?

138. Have you ever had a serious dispute with a neighbor?

139. Do you take pains to be considerate of your neighbors (for example, keeping a lid on loud music, barking dogs, etc.)?

CHARITY

140. How important is it to you to contribute time or money to charity?

141. Which kind of charities do you like to support? How much of your annual income do you donate to charity?

142. Do you feel that it is the responsibility of the �haves� of the world to help the �have-nots�?

143. Have attitudes about charitable contributions ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

MILITARY

144. Have you served in the military?

145. Have your parents or other relatives served in the military?

146. Would you want your children to serve in the military?

147. Do you personally identify more with a nonviolent approach, or with making change through military force and action?

148. Has military service or attitudes about military service ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

THE LAW

149. Do you consider yourself a law-abiding person?

150. Have you ever committed a crime? If yes, what was it?

151. Have you ever been arrested? If yes, for what?

152. Have you ever been in jail? If yes, why?

153. Have you ever been involved in a legal action or lawsuit? If yes, what were the circumstances?

154. Have you ever been the victim of a violent crime? If yes, describe what happened.

156. Do you believe it�s important to be rigorously honest when you pay taxes?

156. Have you ever failed to pay child support? If so, why?

157. Have legal or criminal issues ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

MEDIA

158. Where do you get your news (for example, TV news programs, radio, newspapers, newsmagazines, the Internet, friends)?

159. Do you believe what you read and see in the news, or do you question where information is coming from and what the true agenda is?

100. Do you seek out media with diverse perspectives on the news?

161. Have media differences ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

RELIGION

162. Do you believe in God? What does that mean to you?

163. Do you have a current religious affiliation? Is it a big part of your life?

164. When you were growing up, did your family belong to a church, synagogue, temple, or mosque?

185. Do you currently practice a different religion from the one in which you were raised?

166. Do you believe in life after death?

167. Does your religion impose any behavioral restrictions (dietary, social, familial, sexual) that would affect your partner?

168. Do you consider yourself a religious person? A spiritual person?

169. Do you engage in spiritual practices outside of organized religion?

170. How important is it to you for your partner to share your religious beliefs?

171. How important is it to you for your children to be raised in your religion?

172. Is spirituality a part of your daily life and practice?

173. Has religion or spiritual practice ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

CULTURE

174. Does popular culture have an important impact on your life?

175. Do you spend time reading about, watching, or discussing actors, musicians, models, or other celebrities?

176. Do you think most celebrities have a better, more exciting life than you do? (By the way, if they do, maybe it's because they are living their lives, while you are watching them live their lives. Are you wasting the opportunity and gift to live your own life?)

177. Do you regularly go to the movies, or do you prefer to rent movies and watch them at home?

178. What is your favorite style of music?

179. Do you attend concerts featuring your favorite musicians?

180. Do you enjoy going to museums or art shows?

181. Do you like to dance?

182. Do you like to watch TV for entertainment?

183. Have attitudes or behaviors around popular culture ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

LEISURE

184. What is your idea of a fun day?

185. Do you have a hobby that�s important to you?

186. Do you enjoy spectator sports?

187. Are certain seasons off-limits for other activities because of football, baseball, basketball, or other sports?

168. What activities do you enjoy that don�t involve your partner? How important is it to you that you and your partner enjoy the same leisure activities?

189. How much money do you regularly spend on leisure activities?

190. Do you enjoy activities that might make your partner uncomfortable, such as hanging out in bars drinking, going to strip clubs, or gambling?

191. Have leisure time issues ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

192. Do you enjoy entertaining, or do you worry that you�ll do something wrong or people won�t have a good time?

193. Is it important for you to attend social events regularly, or does the prospect rarely appeal to you?

194. Do you look forward to at least one night out every week, or do you prefer to enjoy yourself at home?

195. Does your work involve attending social functions? If so, are these occasions a burden or a pleasure? Do you expect your spouse to be present, or do you prefer that your spouse not be present?

196. Do you socialize primarily with people from work, or with people from the same ethnic/racial/religious/ socioeconomic background? Or do you socialize with a diverse mix of people?

197. Are you usually the �life of the party," or do you dislike being singled out for attention?

198. Have you or a partner ever had an argument caused by one or the other�s behavior at a social function?

199. Have differences about socializing ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

HOLIDAY AND BIRTHDAYS

286. Which (if any holidays do you believe are the most important to celebrate?

201. Do you maintain a family tradition around certain holidays?

202. How important are birthday celebrations to you? Anniversaries?

203. Have differences about holidays/birthdays ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

TRAVEL / VACATIONS

204. Do you enjoy traveling, or are you a homebody?

205. Are vacation getaways an important part of your yearly planning?

206. How much of your annual income do you designate for vacation and travel expenses?

207. Do you have favorite vacation destinations? Do you believe it's wasteful to spend money on vacations to distant places?

206. Do you think it's important to have a passport? To speak a foreign language?

209. Have disputes about travel and vacation ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

EDUCATION

210. What is your level of formal education? Is your education a source of pride or shame?

211. Do you regularly sign up for courses that interest you, or enroll in advanced-learning programs that will help you in your career or profession?

212. Do you think that college graduates are smarter than people who didn�t attend college? Have disparities in education ever been a source of tension for you in a relationship, or ended a relationship?

213. How do you feel about private school education for children? Do you have a limit on how much you would be willing to invest in private school education?

214. Have education levels or priorities ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

TRANSPORTATION

215. Do you own or lease a car? Would you ever consider not having a car?

216. Is the year, make, and model of the car you drive important to you? Is your car your �castle�?

217. Are fuel efficiency and environmental protection factors when you choose a car?

218. Given the availability of reliable public transportation, would you prefer not to drive a car at all?

219. How much time do you spend maintaining and caring for your vehicle? Are you reluctant to let others drive your car?

220. How long is your daily commute? Is it by bus, train, car, or carpool?

221. Do you consider yourself a good driver? Have you ever received a speeding ticket?

222. Have cars or driving ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

COMMUNICATION

223. How much time do you spend on the phone every day?

224. Do you have a cell phone? A BlackBerry?

225. Do you belong to any Internet chat groups? Do you spend significant time each day writing c-mails?

226. Do you have an unlisted telephone number? If yes, why?

227. Do you consider yourself a communicator or a private person?

228. What are the circumstances under which you would not answer the telephone, cell phone, or BlackBerry?

229. Has modem communication ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

MEALTIME

230. Do you like to eat most of your meals sitting at the table, or do you tend to eat on the run?

231. Do you love to cook? Do you love to eat? 232. When you were growing up, was it important that everybody be present for dinner?

233. Do you follow a specific diet regimen that limits your food choices? Do you expect others in your household to adhere to certain dietary restrictions?

234. In your family is food ever used as a bribe or a proof of love?

235. Has eating ever been a source of shame for you?

236. Have eating and food ever been a source of tension and stress in a relationship? Have they ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

GENDER ROLE

237. Are there household responsibilities you believe to be the sole domain of a man or a woman? Why do you believe this?

238. Do you believe that marriages are stronger if a woman defers to her husband in most areas? Do you need to feel either in control or taken care of?

239. How important is equality in a marriage? Define what you mean by �equality.�

340. Do you believe that roles in your family should be filled by the person best equipped for the job, even if it is an unconventional arrangement?

341. How did your family view the roles of girls and boys, men and women? In your family; could anyone do any job as long as it got done well?

242. Have different ideas about gender roles ever been a source of tension for you in a relationship, or the cause of a breakup?

RACE, ETHNICITY, AND DIFFERENCES

243. What did you learn about race and ethnic differences as a child?

244. Which of those beliefs from childhood do you still carry; and which have you shed?

245. Does your work environment look more like the United Nations, or like a mirror of yourself? How about your personal life?

246. How would you feel if your child dated someone of a different race or ethnicity? The same gender? How would you feel if he or she married this person?

247. Are you aware of your own biases regarding race and ethnicity? What are they? Where did they come from? (We aren�t born biased, we learn it, and it�s important to trace where it was learned.)

248. Have race, ethnicity, and differences ever been a source of tension and stress for you in a relationship?

249. What were your family�s views of race, ethnicity, and difference?

250. Is it important to you that your partner shares your vision of race, ethnicity, and difference?

251. Have different ideas about race, ethnicity~ and difference ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

LIVING EVERY DAY

252. Would you consider yourself a morning person or a night person?

213. Do you judge people who have a different waking and sleeping clock than you?

254 Are you a physically affectionate person?

255. What is your favorite season of the year?

256. When you disagree with your partner, do you tend to fight or withdraw?

257. What is your idea of a fair division of labor in your household?

258. Do you consider yourself an easygoing person, or are you most comfortable with a firm plan of action?

256. How much sleep do you need every night?

260. Do you like to be freshly showered and wearing clean clothes every day, even on weekends or vacations?

261. What is your idea of perfect relaxation?

262. What makes you really angry? What do you do when you�re really angry?

263. What makes you most joyful? What do you do when you are joyful?

264. What makes you most insecure? How do you handle your insecurities?

265. What makes you most secure?

266. Do you fight fair? How do you know?

267. How do you celebrate when something great happens? How do you mourn when something tragic happens?

268. What is your greatest limitation?

269. What is your greatest strength?

270. What most stands in the way of your creating a passionate and caring marriage?

271. What do you need to do today to move toward making your dream marriage a reality?

272. What makes you most afraid?

273. What drains you of your joy and passion?

274. What replenishes your mind, body, and spirit?

275. What makes your heart smile in tough times?

276. What makes you feel the most alive?

The BEST picture inspiration for fuschia and tangerine!

source

Words describing the wedding

Rustic-vintage-eclectic

bright and bold

to be continued

Goal-Setting Questionnaire

All question picked from here

Spiritual Questions
1. Am I spending consistent, quality time with the Lord? Is my spiritual relationship stagnant or
progressive?
2. Should we have family devotions? What should they look like?
3. Am I providing spiritual encouragement for my spouse?
4. Should we be more involved in personal evangelism?
5. Are we active in our church?
6. What are my primary spiritual gifts?
7. What are my spouse's primary spiritual gifts?
8. Are we effectively using these gifts for the Kingdom of God?
9. What can we do to improve our prayer life, individually and as a couple?
10. What should our ministry focus be?

Marriage questions
1. Is our marriage headed in the right direction? Are we growing closer and is the relationship
maturing?
2. Am I meeting my spouse's emotional, physical, and intellectual needs?
3. Is my spouse meeting my emotional, physical, and intellectual needs?
4. Do we clearly communicate with one another?
5. Should we go out more often, or make more time for romance?
6. Do I tell my spouse "I love you" often enough? What do I do or say to show my love?
7. What can we do to improve our sexual relationship?
8. What do we want our marriage to look like five years from now?
9. What do I see as the husband's primary responsibilities in the marriage relationship?
10. What do I see as the wife's primary responsibilities in the marriage relationship?

Family Questions
1. How many children would we like to have?
2. Do we consistently and properly love our children?
3. Do we consis tently and properly discipline them?
4. What are the most important character traits we want to see our children develop?
5. What rules do we want to establish for our children at home and in public?
6. Where should we go on vacation? How should we spend weekends and other leisure time?
7. Does our devotion to our children interfere with or hamper our marriage relationship?
8. If something were to happen to us, who would we want to serve as the guardian for our
children? Have we provided for our children through a Will?
9. Do we support one another in front of our children?
10. According to the following passages, what are the main responsibilities of parent and children?
Col. 3:20-21; Heb. 12:5-11; Prov. 3:11-12; Eph. 6:4.

Social Questions
1. Is there a proper balance between my time spent at home and away from home?
2. Should we entertain more?
3. Should we be making an effort to get to know more people?
4. Are there any specific people I would like to get to know better?
5. Are we involved in our community, schools, and/or social organizations?
6. Are we over-committed to social, athletic, or other activities?
7. Do our children demonstrate wisdom when choosing their friends?
8. Do we demonstrate wisdom when choosing friends and social activities?
9. Are there people in the church and neighborhood that we should help, befriend, and care for?
10. Is our home an inviting place for our friends and our children's friends to gather?
Physical Questions
1. How can I improve my eating habits?
2. How can we improve our family's eating habits?
3. Are we getting enough exercise?
4. Is my spouse getting enough exercise?
5. Are our children involved in athletic or physical activities?
6. Are there any skills or sports I want to learn (i.e., to play the piano, speak French, or play
tennis)?
7. Do I need to lose/gain weight?
8. Is there anything I should do to make myself more attractive to my spouse?
9. Are there any athletic goals I want to pursue (i.e., being able to run a mile--or a marathon)?
10. What can I do to encourage or enable my spouse to meet his/her physical goals?

 Financial Questions
1. Do I feel comfortable with the amount of money we make?
2. Is there anything we can do to improve our financial situation?
3. Do we have an adequate amount of life insurance? What about home, health, and auto
coverage? Do I know how to locate and use the policy information?
4. Do we need to reduce our taxes? Are we under- or over-withholding?
5. Are we giving away the right amount or percentage of our income? Are our gifts being used
for the right purposes or organizations? When is the best time for us to give--weekly,
monthly, or on some other schedule?
6. How much debt do we have? Is this an acceptable amount? Since we try to get out of debt, or
avoid it altogether?
7. How much are we saving? How much should we be saving? What are we saving for? How
often should we set money aside, and where should we put it?
8. Why are we investing? How much should we invest? Am I comfortable with how our
investment portfolio is allocated? Should we be more (or less) aggressive in our investment
approach?
9. How much should we spend on things like our house, our vacations, our cars, etc.?
10. Do we want to send our children to private/Christian school? How much will that cost? How
much are we willing/able to spend on a college education for our children?

Marriage goal setting

Benefits of goal setting

• help you learn more about your mate 
• The simple act of sitting down together and really thinking through your priorities as a couple will be a powerful bonding tool
• knowing how to prioritize spending.

How to set goals

1.  pray together and say, “Lord, what do You want for us? What are Your desires as we seek to set our goals and priorities?
2. identifying long-term goals and then,
3. establishing shorter-term goals as intermediate steps. 
4. Once you have established your long-term goals, work backwards and write down what you want to achieve this year

practically

1. hold a weekend planning retreat to discuss goals for the coming year.
2. meet for several hours each quarter to review their progress.

thoughts I enjoyed on wedding as a covenant ceremony

Read in full here

"As the couple passes between their families, they act like the tongue on a zipper uniting two families.."

"In reality, it is two people and two families that are coming together to form a new merger. Your family’s impact on your new family must not be minimized, but rather, understood, and planned for (p. 19).” Dennis Rainey (editor) in Preparing for Marriage"

"... this seating arrangement gives a portrait of God’s covenant with Abraham in Genesis 15"

“Leaving parents and holding fast to a wife, forming a new one-flesh union, is meant from the beginning to display this covenant—Christ’s leaving his Father and taking the church as his bride, at the cost of his life, and holding fast to her in a one-spirit union forever (p. 30).” John Piper in This Momentary Marriage